I'd like to preface this post by saying that I do not think that we should teach our children to value others based off of their physical attributes. This post simply expresses the idea that discovering & celebrating the beauty God has created should not be discouraged. It can help our children feel good about themselves when they recognize that being beautiful doesn't only look one way; that seeing beauty in all forms is why God made so many different people with a variety of shapes, colors and sizes. And, our God knows beauty! He is the ultimate artist!
I had a concerned friend of mine come to me the other day and tell me that her seven year old daughter was struggling with self-esteem; that she didn't feel she was beautiful and it was causing her to be hesitant to join fun activities like dancing with friends, because she was self-conscious....at seven!
It is absolutely astonishing how bombarded our children are with society's idea of beauty and clearly they are becoming affected younger and younger. From the innocuous encounter; the beautiful news-woman they see every morning when the news is aired, to the more destructive; the young girls they witness in their kid-geared programming, dressed like 20 year olds and wearing more makeup and nylon than Cher. However, the problem isn't just with the "assault" of the media our kids see on a daily basis, although it is the catalyst and a huge determinant to our children gaining some extremely skewed views of self-worth and beauty. Shielding young eyes from needless exposure is a full-time job & unfortunately, we can't protect them from it all.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2)
It is interesting to me that in the beginning of the Bible, the Lord wanted us to have no mistake as to how he truly sees his creation, his children, his beloved. (Genesis 1:27) "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them". OK, so here's where I'm going to say something that is going to make you not like me for a minute, but you'll get over it shortly, I promise. Our children not only see distorted views of beauty from the world, but on occasion from us, their parents. I know, I know...it's the last thing we as parents want to admit to or face, but hear me out....it's not all our fault! We unfortunately have fallen victim to the same putrid garbage that is thrown at them; those warped ideas have been hurled at us most of our lives as well. Maybe not as "in your face" as some of the things we see in today's society, but it's been there, stealthily slipping us its un-Godly agenda. So here we are, trying to raise our children to know that they are marvelous, wonderful, beautiful, handsome, loved and talented...(I could go, on and on here of course)and yet we have this enemy rearing its ugly head. But you know what I'm saying, because you've felt it too. We've all had those days when we wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think..."Oh my word, seriously?! This is what I'm workin' with today....it's gonna take a miracle!" or we pass a mirror and for a moment lose our breath because, yes, that tired person staring back at us with crazy hair is really us. Hey... it's okay, in-fact it's humbling and humanizing to know that most of us don't always look beauty pageant ready. And please hear me, I'm not saying that just because a person feels that way from time to time does that mean that they have low self-esteem or a skewed sense of self. Many of us know where our worth is formed and are firmly planted therein....we just have bad hair days and days when those nasty little esteem busters eat at us. This brings me to how our feelings about our own selves can directly affect our childrens' views of themselves.
So, how do our children see us? Our children see us similar to how we see them. Perfect, beautiful and human. Even so, children are exceptionally intuitive and can pick up on even the smallest of nuances. So they may pick up on the fact that we're a bit self-conscious about our hips, our nose, our [insert "flaw" here]. Which only makes it imperative that we have real discussions with our kids about self-worth and how, just because we have qualities that are different than someone else, doesn't mean that we are any less beautiful or any less worthy. Explaining to them, that there may be times when we feel insecure and that yes, Mommy and Daddy feel that way too sometimes, but that it is these distinguishing qualities that make us who we are; after all, it's our history and it is exactly what our Creator envisioned when he created us in love! It's important that we celebrate what makes us unique, what makes us beautiful and what makes us the unblemished reflection of God's love. And...ladies, yes, I am directing this at you...we cannot forget that it is not a sin to say " I am beautiful"! Because, you know what....you are! I don't care if you are a size 0 or a curvy sista; I don't care if you have delicate features or exotic features and I don't care if you are blonde, brunette, red head or bald....for goodness sake you are the VERY EPITOME of the image of Christ....get it together woman! Now, say it and mean it so your children can benefit from your awesome grasp of self! ( Enough exclamations already?)
"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."
( 1 John 4:19-21).
We all just want our children to understand how precious they are and we pray that they grow up to be adults who have a great understanding of their value and beauty through God's eyes. But...and I know I'm not wrong here, don't we also pray that they be people who see the beauty in others and treat others with respect, love and compassion? I know for me, it is just as essential for my husband and I that we instill in our children the ability to see the physical beauty in everyone (and yes, seeing inward beauty is more important, but for this post I'm just talking about the physical) and encouraging them from a young age to identify that beauty is key. Maybe we use an opportunity that happens to all of us, like "people watching". Instead of doing what a lot of us do, which is point out the crazy clothes people are wearing or gawking at attention craved teenagers, maybe we take a minute to look around at the beauty. We could use this as a good time to train those little eyes. Perhaps, ask our children to find something beautiful in the elderly woman reading at the adjacent table or the mom donning sweatpants & pony-tail as she sits with her kids at the park . Most likely our kids will need a little push to start seeing what we are asking for, so we can assist with, "Do you see how beautiful her hands are?" or "Look at that woman's glowing skin". By identifying the gorgeous traits of others, our children start to see physical beauty as more than makeup,clothes and skinny bodies. They will be able to look at the world as if looking through the lens of a photographers' soul. Photographers for instance, can look at an old wooden bench and a rusty fence and with their sense of perspective, they create an extraordinary image. I want my children to have this proclivity. I want them to be able to see the lines on a face of an elderly woman and not think of how weathered her face looks, but how beautiful her life has been. How each line on her face was a smile, a hardship...a memoir.
This generation of children sadly will endure much more when it comes to attacks on their physical beauty. Between the progressive media and explicit programming; bullies and the diminished role of Christ in worldly affairs; and our own sinful nature, our children will need us as parents to equip them with every arsenal we have, so they can be readily prepared to proclaim " I am beautiful and made in the image of God himself. Praise Him, for I am the son/daughter of the Most High King!"
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. "(Psalm 139:13-14)
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